In Motion: Bellingham, Poetry, San Juan Islands, Ted Talks

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Friday, April 16, 2010

Sadistic Sun

Before my eyes crack open to greet the day I’m realizing that today is THAT day.
I’m up! Physically my body lay still in bed, covers up to the chin. For the past twenty minutes or so my mind has been turning like a sour stomach; thoughts, images, ideas good and bad, swirling around up in my cranial cavity seeking a quick exit, seeking to be heard. The bed too warm to leave, the scratching at the door reminds me Princess needs food. So I get up and head for my chair and keyboard in the other room; it is time to write… and feed the cat.

Cat fed, OK… I’m ready… “You words can come out now!” …Silence answers. “What’s holding up the creative process? Hello?” An emotional beaver-like dam has positioned itself somewhere between my brain and fingers. Perhaps it’s not time to sit; but to walk. It’s 5:12 in the morning. A warm cup of tea in hand, walking around the room, I notice the sound of little tweets outside. The Chickadee’s that frequent the grove tell me the sun must be getting ready to rise.

The sun has a busy schedule to keep, at least a prudent one, it rises every morning on schedule, more reliable than a city bus. Opening my living room blinds reviles the trees in the grove as they start to take shape, painted black on a dark blue canvas. Slowly the sun will creep up over the hills and day will break. Normally I would be enjoying this moment, but not today. It’s too early and my mood is as dark as the sky. Standing there the bird tweets get muffled by the sound of electronic snow emanating from my head, I’m out of tune and need to find a frequency. “Go away sun! I want to go back to sleep!”


Apparently the earth spinning gives the effect of the sun moving, (I saw this on PBS so it must be true). But let’s be honest with each other for a moment, we all know the sun is a lazy sun of a bitch. Outside of being the life source of our planet, this nuclear fusion machine pretty much sits there, like a Little Miss Muffet. The universe really does revolve around it! The sun just sits there stirring and churning inside of itself spewing out fountains of nuclear lava in radiant displays like a scarves dancing drag queen. “Look at me! Look at me!” it says. Oh ya I’ll look at you, and then go BLIND! The human retina does not have pain receptors, so while we enjoy your “splendor” we will not even feel the damage being done! You sadistic pig!

The sun mocks me this morning; it has yet to rise and I hate it. However it is not the sun I hate although I try to divert my brain traffic to that off ramp, I am really nervous about what my day timer has slotted between 10:00 – 1:00. Today’s challenge will come and go; I’ll blink and the day will be over. Do you know how I know? Time continues on with or with out us. That sun that I hate now, will set tonight as it always has. We have no control over the powers of the universe, however you can choose to stay in a moment, wallowing in a muddy existence like a pig in a pen or quickly swallow time down like a Brussels sprout. “Crap! Alright I won’t cancel, I’ll go I’ll go!” I tell myself. “I won’t wallow anymore.” I hate Brussels sprouts!

It’s a new day, fresh and ready for me …and I’m ready for it. (Really I am… honestly)

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Reeds driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good


written by Anthony Newley and Leslie Bricusse, 1964

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